04.30.04
ok, so right now i am feeling incredibly depressed. why you ask? well let's take a look, shall we? i am 20 years old, i am in college (and barely passing), i don't know if i have a car that runs, and just for the heck of it, let's throw in one bad relationship...the only relationship i've had my entire life and that only lasted three months. if you've been reading past entries, you might be thinking to yourself "well what about that sexy matt guy she talked about before?" yeah, that's mainly what's depressing me. my friend kimmie keeps telling me to be patient and that something will happen. i met him at my school's spring ball, which was frebruary 20th. since then, he's visited me like every weekend, aside from spring break and easter break. when he comes to visit me (which, by the way, requires him to drive like 50 minutes), we go bowling or we stay in my dorm room, order chinese, and watch movies. and when he can't visit me during the week, he's always talking to me on instant messenger, leaving a voicemail every now and then, and sending me funny links to my e-mail. plus, kimmie tells me that when we're together we're very flirtatious. so after all that, i wanna know why he hasn't kissed me, or even hugged me, if it's so obvious that he really likes me.....ok, i just looked at my calendar and it's been exactly 10 freakin' weeks since i met this guy and not a god damn thing has happened. i try to act positively around people and everyone thinks i'm just too nice. so what the hell is really wrong with me? am i too ugly for any guy to wanna be with me?? i really want to know why i've only had one relationship out of the 20 stinkin' years i've been on this stupid planet. honestly, what's the point in living when you can't have the one thing you want more than anything? and why would you want to be around to see so many other people enjoying what you can't have, or will never have? i'll probably go through the rest of my life being invisible to everyone.